UPDATE: If you want to know my take on this conversation, which is presented with commentary, click HERE
“You’re not gonna get it,” he says. “Cause you’re looking at it like a black girl. White girls are entirely different.”
“He” is a Black man in his thirties, who was a high school and college athlete of a popular sport. He’s also someone I've known for years but just recently started to have real conversations with. We don’t talk about personal ish often, but when we talk we never talk about surface sh--.
We also “speak the same language”, in that, everything is a story. We don’t tell you, as much as we’ll share a story about what happened and you can interpret what you will about it, good or bad.
In light of the Nate Parker fall out-- and the vastly different reactions by some women versus some men-- I asked several male friends for their take. This is one of many.
I asked this friend to weigh in on Thursday. He didn’t know who Parker was. Sometimes I forget that everyone doesn’t blog/freelance, live online and have a 100 Google alerts and “breaking news” alerts sent to their phone daily.
I break down the gist of the case for him. The quick version and just the overall facts that we all agree on. He says he will take a look at the articles and read the transcripts and get back to me with an informed answer, but if he had to say something now, it would be…
“Hold up,” he asks. “She was white or black?
Me: “Why does it matter?”
Him: “It matters.”
Me: “She was white.”
Him: “That’s what I thought. Without reading the transcript. I’m going with not rape.”
Me: “Ok. Why?”
And this is how we get to: “You’re not gonna get it. Cause you’re looking at it like a black girl. White girls are entirely different.”
I present his thoughts with no commentary:
White girls are whores.
That sounds bad. And not every white girl is a whore. I shouldn’t say all of them. But on a college campus and around black athletes? I never met one that wasn’t.
I think "whore" because I’d never been around white women like that until I went to college. And I’m generalizing here, okay?
With Black women, you walk up at a party and ask their name. You meet Keisha, and you tell her she looks good and she says “thank you”. And you talk to her for a bit and you get her number, and maybe you keep talking to her for a while after. You don’t try to kiss her, because you want to have sex with her eventually and if you treat her like a whore, even if she is, that won’t happen. So you call her the next day, and maybe you can get her to come over to watch a movie. Maybe she’ll have sex, maybe she won’t. In general, black girls require more effort, maybe not a lot, but more. Black girls just aren’t as free with sex. At that age, they still think about “numbers” and care what their friends will think of them.
That’s not how white girls operate. You walk up and say, “you look good.” And then she says, “you look good too”. And fifteen minutes later, she’s sucking your d--k with the door wide open and you’re like, “wait. How did this happen?” The first time, it blew my mind.
They don’t have the same hang ups about sex. It’s like, “he’s hot! I want to f--k him! I’m going to f--k him!” They say sh-- like, “you’re so hot! I want to suck your d--k!” Or if they’re shy, they’ll say, “Your friend’s hot. Tell your friend I want to suck his d--k.”
Sex isn’t seen as bad or sinful. It’s just a thing that two—or three-- people do. Sucking d--k isn’t a big deal. It’s not seen as any different than kissing. The “good girls” won’t have sex, but they’ll suck your d--k and not think twice about it.
Also, keep in mind, they get drunk as sh--. Like, sloppy and out of control. And they do crazy sh—that your average Black girl ain’t doing, like sucking the d--k of every guy in the room. There’s Black girls who do it, but everybody’s shocked and wondering, “who raised you?” White girl doing it? You get a call, like “come thru, Nancy’s sucking d--k again!”
Girls would come by and that would be their purpose. It was no pretense, like, “oh, we’re just gonna chill or watch TV.” It was unspoken. She might show up with some friends and they were down too. It might just be everyone gets their d--k sucked. It might turn into an orgy. It might be two guys f--king the girl at once. Or if you want some privacy, you go wait in your room and she comes into f--k you, then send her to the next room.
This one time, I was a freshman. The junior and senior players come to my room and are like, “get up. Come with us.” I don’t know what’s up, but I go ‘cause I’m new to the team and I want to belong. We go to their apartment. It’s a double room, so two beds. They tell me to sit on the bed. Two girls come in. White girl and a Spanish girl. They see me and are like, “him too? We’re tired. We’ve been going all night!”
The guys tell them I played on the team with [super star athlete whose name you would recognize] in high school.”
The girls are like, “Oh, this is him?” And then they start trying to f--k me. It was no big thing. The other guys sit on the other bed playing with their [own] dicks. That was weird as sh--.
Here’s where it gets tricky with white girls though. With black girls, you treat her like a whore the next day, she hangs her head in shame. You treat a white girl like that, she gets embarrassed and cries rape. You have to treat her like “the party last night was crazy! We all had so much fun! Can’t wait to do it again!” Maybe white guys don’t have to do that. I don’t know. Black guys do. You know the dynamic of black men and white woman and how quickly that can go wrong. You never forget that part.
So from what you told me about the story with Nate? Your readers are black women. And they probably have no concept of how this sh—goes down. So they hear “drunk white girl” and “he invited his friend too!” and they think, “has to be rape. No one woman would do that willingly!” But they do, all the time.
White girls, you can be like, “my man wants his d--k sucked too!” and he’ll walk in, and she’ll just suck it. Or, “my man wants to f—k too” and she’ll do it. It’s not even a thing. It’s just the culture—threesomes, putting your man on, passing girls around? They do it and don’t think twice about it. Black girls don’t understand that whole concept. I mean, you can find a black girl who does it, but again, it’s just not your day-to-day.
With Nate and his boy, I’m gonna just guess that they f--ked her and then treated her like sh—and she felt like a whore and said she was raped. Final answer. At least until I read the transcripts.
Him: D? Hello?
Me: I’m here.
Him: Say something. That was too much?
Me: That was many things. Many, many things.
Him: Just so you know, I don’t think like that now. I don’t even f--k with white girls. This is just sh—that happened in college, which I think if you’re not an athlete, most people have no clue about. And this isn’t even the wild sh--. My school never won a championship while I was there. We weren’t even superstars. Now [redacted name of now superstar athlete that he played with in high school]? He got stories that blow my mind.
He called me back the next day. He read a few articles, and a few of the transcripts. He had a thorough understanding of the details.
His final, final answer?
Him: I stand by what I said. I seriously don’t think they raped her.
UPDATE: If you want to know my take on what he said, click HERE