Ask Demetria: "I’m Considering Lipo, but My Boyfriend Hates the Idea!"


Dear Demetria:

I’ve lost 40 pounds and have 20 more that I would like to lose. I love my body, but I have a trouble area that will not budge with exercise and clean eating. I have decided to get liposuction if I lose the rest of the weight and the area still hasn’t budged. I feel like this is reasonable, and I don’t consider it “cheating.”

I have a consultation scheduled, and my boyfriend does not approve. He believes I don’t need it and I’m just not working out enough or doing the right exercises. I just don’t think he understands. I know it's my body and I still plan to go through with it, but I want him to be on board and support me. How do I get him to understand? —Anonymous

First, congratulations on taking control of your health and putting in the work to get the results you want. With a lot of discipline and certainly some major lifestyle changes, you’ve accomplished a great feat. I’m proud of you.

Most people would consider the approach that you’re taking to be quite reasonable. After working to lose a considerable amount of weight, you want to be happy with what you see in the mirror. You’ve committed to losing another 20, and given your past progress, there’s no reason to believe you won’t reach your goal. You’ve decided to make your final evaluation once you’ve met your weight-loss goals. That’s a responsible way to approach the surgery.

It’s also nice that you’ve shared your thoughts with your boyfriend, but unfortunate that he’s not on board. It would be great if he were more supportive of your possible surgery, but the truth is, you can’t force him to be. He has his own ideas of what he finds attractive—or not—and he’s entitled to that, just as you are. The good news is that you don’t need his permission to move forward, and your opinion on your own body trumps his ... by far.

But you would like him to get on board with your idea. I get it. Try getting to the real issue of what he’s afraid of, because it’s likely deeper than “I just don’t think you need it.” There have been reports in the news of people dying or having major complications as a result of cosmetic or elective surgery. Cases like Kanye West’s mother, Donda West, as well as Tameka Raymond and Joan Rivers, come to mind. Perhaps sharing the research you’ve done to pick a qualified surgeon would help ease his concerns. It may also make him more comfortable if you invite him to meet your surgeon during your consultation so he can make his own evaluation of him or her and ask questions of his own about the procedure.

Another common concern when a mate loses weight or drastically alters his or her appearance is the fear that the partner will become more attractive to others, which may be a threat to the relationship. Or there’s a fear that the partner who has made the changes will want to upgrade to someone more attractive than his or her current partner.

Read the full story: here 


UPDATE: The original poster wrote in recently, "Lipo OP: Hey, Belle. I had another convo with bf & he said he would be down with whatever made me happy. I still felt like he was just telling me what I wanted to hear & didn't fully understand. I started researching doctors & had my first consultation yesterday & it turns out I have a considerable amount of loose skin that has to be removed/tightened when I lose the remaining weight. I was bummed that it was worse than I thought & bummed about the price so I showed bf the pics from my appointment. It really sealed the deal for him because he really paid attention & saw that I wasn't overreacting. He congratulated me on losing so much weight & told me that WE would get some more opinions & to not let it bring me down ! THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!"