Verbal Snapshots of My Brooklyn Life

Since I started blogging here, people have been telling me how hilarious I am. Until recently, I've never ever thought of myself as funny ( I still don’t.). And I think I know why. My friends are all 10x funnier. Today's blog is random quotes about random things my Brooklynite friends (and visitors) have said, observed, recalled, or advised about relationships this summer. I hope they're as funny (or at the very least odd) to you as they are to me.

· "I have seen the light and it's in there!"--Pimpin @ Cafeteria, referring to his latest female acquisition, whose sex game is apparently on point

· "Learn to swallow... "- Andy @ VH1s Coolest Year in Hell screening , giving frank (albeit slightly drunk) advice on how a woman can keep (but not get) a man

· "Let me take you out, D. We can like go ride horses and shit."- Trent @ The Ave Magazine Anniversary Party, spitting his dead serious A game (he is one of the sweetest and craziest guys I know. He texted the next day to follow up. I turned him down though. )

· "Don't worry, D. I'll keep it soft"- David @ the Heineken/Roots showcase after he offered a formal invite to dance and I hesitated to accept

· "Hey, Baby... we met tonight, right?"- Simon, a hilarious -and gorgeous– man mid-hug/ air-kiss on the corner of 14th &8th. (We actually met the night before.)

· "Their conversations are slightly beyond remedial English"- Kay @ Diddy's Fashion Awards Party, summing up the new relationship between my arch enemy, the stupidest woman on earth, and the most beautiful man on Earth (after Blair Underwood , of course.)

· "You know what, D? It's all a big façade." (he pronounced it fah-caid, but I figured out what he meant anyway.)--Dear Stupid at my 28th birthday party @ Honey, the day I realized why I could never date him

· "D, you're amazing. You are the reason men fight wars."- a self esteem boost during a party at the Soho Adidas store from a male suitor after a really bad day. (I wish I was young enough to not know a line when I hear one. That woulda had me open at 22.)

· "I'm not your fucking brother"--Tariq @ Fort Greene Park after his hundredth pound, fiftieth double kiss, and being called ' my brother' a million times in just a 3 day visit to BK. He then noted that BK folks are the nicest people on earth.

· "My dick was in her mouth before the salmon was warm"- Parker @ Dos Caminos, describing his latest encounter with his most favorite older woman jump off (who cooks to show her appreciation for his services.)

· "Ugh. I want something brown in my bed, not Something New!!!!"- Ace @ Habana Outpost after I pointed out a delicious white boy

· "Why not? I have my shirt off"--a slightly drunk, slightly arrogant well-built bartender @ a Brooklyn house party when I refused to give him my number