5 Ways To Handle A Break Up Better Than Chris Brown

Breezy x Coachella in happier times.

Chris Brown has made yet another mess after breaking up (again) with his on-off girlfriend Karrueche Tran. The pair recently split and Brown took to social media late Saturday night to vent his frustrations about his ex.

“We’ve got scars, some of them u gave me, some of them I’ve caused,” he wrote on his official Instagram page. “That ride or die act we have been fooling the world with obviously ain’t working. I was locked up for damn near 4 months and only got 1 visit from you while u was hosting parties and taking secret trips to Toronto, going on dates with Drake!”

“So let’s not try to save face for public opinion,” he continued. “I don’t need to play victim so people can take my side.”

Ouch. And wildly inappropriate. I guess someone told him that because he quickly deleted his comments and less than 24 hours later, issued a public apology to his ex.

“Being young and dumb is one of my strong suits,” read Brown’s Instagram caption to a pictureshowing him with his head hanging low (in shame?). “I love hard and react impulsively when I’m hurt at times. I don’t think social media is a place to air out or hash out personal problems.”

You think?

He added: “Everybody know I love that girl .... I just want baby girl to know I apologise (sic).”

Um OK.

Of course, Brown isn’t the only one venting on social media. Anyone with a social media account has a friend (or is the friend) that posts bitter rants or subliminal digs about their ex (or current) partner. According to a study, “Social Media Regret” by consumer electronics shopping site Retrevo, 32 percent of people say they’ve posted something online they regretted. (That’s it?)

In case you’re one of the people prone to venting like Brown—and 32 percent of of other Americans—here are five suggestions that will help you save face, avoid embarrassment and save you another apology:

1. To state the obvious: Stay off social media.

Unlike celebrities (or bloggers), you probably know most of your social media friends and followers personally and rantings about your personal life aren’t likely to make the blogs (unless you’re friends with me ... I’m kidding. Sort of.) Still, they don’t need to know all of your business, especially when you’re dissing your ex.

When I see people flip out on Facebook, my first thought is “Yikes.” It shows me you lack boundaries and don’t have a lot of friends or else you would have called one of them instead of getting messy with your whole social network. It also makes me wonder if we ever had a falling out, would you blast me, too?

The mature people who follow/friend you, read, maybe comment (with opinions on your situation that you may not like) and most keep scrolling. The worst of your friends take screenshots of your update (before you erase it) and send a private message to a mutual friend to gossip about you.

2. Vent to a friend (and not the instigating or gossipy one).

Rejection hurts, even for folks with great coping skills. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen. Call that friend, the one who will tell you, “It’s gonna be OK,” even if it’s the end of the world. Even if they go tell all your business, you can deny everything if word gets out because there’s no screenshot.


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Ask Demetria: My Girlfriend Doesn't Measure Up to My Friends. Should I Bounce?

"My girlfriends doesn't measure up to my friends. Should I leave?"  

Dear Demetria:

My girlfriend is 29, working at a call center, in school for her bachelor’s degree and living with her parents. Sadly, she’s a late bloomer. While I wish she was more established, I’m OK. My mother, though, thinks I’m settling. I love my girl, but my circle includes doctors, attorneys, public relations executives, MBAs, etc. I don’t think my girlfriend fits in. Is it wrong to explore options? —Anonymous

It’s not wrong or right to explore other options, as long as you break up with her and don’t cheat on her. If you’re in a relationship and not satisfied, by all means, go find what makes you happy.

But before you do that, you need to figure out what you want and what matters to you, which I’m not sure you are clear about just yet. You wrote that you didn’t care that your girlfriend is a “late bloomer,” but then you quickly added what your mother thinks about her and how your girlfriend doesn’t fit in with your friends. Does your mom and what looks good in your circle matter more than your love for your woman? Maybe so. But be honest about that and don’t blame your girlfriend because you value your mother’s opinion and care more about your friends than you do the person you’re with.

It really sounds as if you’re more interested in a good look than a good woman. If that’s what’s more important to you, so be it. But take ownership of that and don’t put your girlfriend down for not meeting your new expectations. It’s not as if she’s a slouch. She’s working, at least part time, and in school. She’s 29 and making the sacrifice—because it’s a rare American adult who really wants to live at home with his or her parents and under their rules—in order to get where she wants to be in the future. You seem unwilling to wait or support her while she’s putting in the effort to build herself up. That’s your choice. But be mindful not to blame her for that, as if she’s done something wrong here.

I’ll also warn you to be careful what you ask for. There are good people with sexy jobs, and you can find a great woman with a more alluring job title that will impress your friends and mother. But do know that good people at any station in life are hard to come by. Replacing your girlfriend with someone else you fall in love with is entirely possible, but it won’t be as simple as you think, mostly because, well, to be frank, your mom is too involved in your relationships and you seem insecure about your place in the world.

That professional woman who has it all together? She’s not going to deal very long with a guy who comes to her with “Well, my mama thinks ... ” That gets old real quick. And whatever new woman you find, if you keep the outlook about her having to fit in with your friends, she’s never going to live up to what you want in the long run. They’re going to move up in their careers. What if she doesn’t move up as fast? Does she go by the wayside, too?

And what if she’s a high-powered attorney who gets burned out and wants to try something less demanding? Does she get dismissed, too? What if the new woman outearns and has more degrees than everyone in your circle, but your mom and friends still don’t like her? Does she go, too?

What we’re really talking about is your insecurities. You want a girlfriend with some “oomph” because it makes you think you’re hotter and will compensate for your own perceived deficits.

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