V- Day: Where's the Love?

Somehow a day that's supposed to be about celebrating love tends to bring out the worst in so many on social media.

There are the great men who are stressed out trying to show and prove as if ONE day determines everything.

There are women who act like one day and an expensive gift determine everything. (If he wasn't ish before V-Day and isn't after, it doesn't count. So you know.)

There are the guys who duck women they've led to believed they cared about. And women with a lot of wake-up-call hurt feelings.

There are women who feel like crap because they're single. And stay posting updates that showcase misery.

There are the people who taunt those women-- never guys-- for being single, and make all sorts of uneducated guesses as to why they aren't lovable. (I guess this makes them feel better. Newsflash: your bitterness is showing too, boo.)

There are the folks who care more about bragging about a gift than the actual gift and/ or the person who gave it to them.

Oh, and the people who don't appreciate their gifts— and have the audacity to say so publicly.

I'll stop here.

Surely, there are lots of folks who are just drunk/crazy in love and want to share their blessings. You can usually tell the difference. I appreciate those posts. They make me smile.

I hope, against the odds, I know, that folks can be a little more loving this year. It would be nice to see.

That is all.

Ask Demetria: Last Minute V-Day Ideas for Your Man

“This is my first Valentine’s Day with my new boyfriend. I’ve waited until the last minute to get my guy a gift and I don’t want to ask him now what he wants. I am clueless about what to get him. Flowers? A massage? Cologne? A sex coupon book? What do I get him? Help!” —S.A.

You’re a procrastinator, like me. I bought my Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, finally got it decorated by 5 p.m. Christmas Day and it sat in a corner—lit—until February. We mean well, but you know how it goes.

Fortunately for us, we’re in luck when it comes to V-Day. In general, men don’t really expect much on this “holiday.” I put that in quotes because many guys think of it as a commercial holiday for which they’re expected to splurge just to meet expectations. They do it because they don’t want to disappoint the woman they care about. And for stand-out guys who make romantic gestures and spoil their women throughout the year—and not just on one particular day—V-Day can feel like an unfair obligation.

As my fiance put it, “Valentine’s Day is like wedding day. It’s all about the woman.” He and his friends, like most men I spoke to about this subject, are really only hoping for a good time spent with their lady and good sex, a reward of sorts for the stress above and beyond what they go through to make the day extra-special for the woman they care about.

If you’re thinking about sending him flowers, buying him something that smells nice or a day of professional pampering, skip that. That’s not what he is expecting. What he’s really looking forward to is spending time with you doing something romantic and then hopefully, more time in the bedroom (or wherever you prefer it) with you.

Instead of a gift, make V-Day special for your great guy another way. After his V-Day plans for you have wrapped, tell him you have a romantic surprise for him—a massage performed by you. This is when you put on your ‘90s slow jams, light a few scented candles, show off your sexy lingerie and break out the water-based massage “oil” since it won’t stain sheets or your outfit.

Your idea for sex coupons will go over well, too. Don’t buy the standard ones you see in sex shops—make the effort to create them yourself so you can add some basics and more importantly, tailor the selection to those fantasies he might have talked about that you two haven’t gotten around to fulfilling yet. Make sure one of them has an expiration for that night.

If you insist on getting him a gift—again, skip the things that we women would normally find romantic—choose something you know he would enjoy. If he collects something in particular, purchase something for him that adds to the collection. You can also rarely go wrong with electronics or an expensive bottle of his favorite drink. A woman on one of my social media pages wrote in to say she’d purchased a bottle of liquor and used a sexy pair of panties to tie a card with a sexy message to the bottle.

Most women would think, “too simple.”

Men responded in droves to say, “Win!”

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